This page is for my dad, Pablo Florente, who passed away in June 13, 2002.

Pablo Octaviano Florente was a quiet but kind man with an appreciation for things of the arts and outdoors. He loved to plant things, build things and loved to play with our dogs and cat.

Irene Florente

June 29, 2002

Human Butterfly

As the author Richard Bach quotes, “What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls a butterfly." When a butterfly emerges from its cocoon, it is marveled for its beautiful colors, its newfound strength and its ability to fly away and enjoy the wonders of life. I believe the same is true after a person has passed away. Although my father has left his physical body, his cocoon, I know that his spirit is like the butterfly that has yet to express his beautiful self and journey to an even more amazing existence in heaven. I realize, belatedly, that it was not only until after his death that I truly began to see what an amazing person he was, an individual who had so much life and knowledge to offer me during his short existence on earth.

Some of my fondest memories of my father take place in his apartment when he was still living in Orangevale, California. My sister and I would visit him on the weekends and go to Denny’s, go shopping and then come back home to eat dessert and watch a movie. It wasn’t anything grand or luxurious but it was enough for me. Even though the moments we shared together were not always filled with the words I craved, I enjoyed the time we spent together. Perhaps, the little things we did for each other were enough for my father and he was content just to have these moments.

My father was a great lover of the simple things in life and he valued people more than money. He loved gardening, animals, fixing things, watching TV/movies and especially walking along the ocean. He loved his little garden, taking care of his tomato gardens and pruning roses. He even had this special way of talking to the dogs and cat. Brownie’s nickname was “Brownitos-hocus Pocus” and Chubby’s was Bubbalicious. He especially loved the cat, Meemer, whom he so fondly called, “Anong-kenong-kenong.” He enjoyed her massages on his stomach and her never-ending companionship. They even watched TV together. Nowadays, Meemer waits along the windowsill or tries to go outside so that she can find my dad. I know she misses my dad very much just like the rest of us. The backyard is still filled with my dad’s tools, seeds, and his favorite barbecue grill that he always used whenever my sister and I came to visit him, quite often resulting in too much leftovers! Other than the backyard, I know that my father also loved to spend his time at the beach. He enjoyed the peaceful sounds of the waves and watching sunsets. My father always had an eye for beautiful things in life and that was what made him such a beautiful person.

My father was a soft-spoken man who had little to say unless he needed something or wanted to express his deepest opinions about something. He had a gentle smile and tried to show his care in subtle ways, mostly through teaching my sister and I and cooking our favorite dishes. I loved his “cantaloupe, milk and sugar” shake and his fried eggplant appetizers. I remember how he always cooked us a plentiful breakfast filled with pancakes, eggs and toast whenever we stayed the night with him. He was so sentimental. His house is filled with Christmas cards, birthday cards, bills, magazines and many photographs that he found hard to throw away. How I long for these days to come back again and erase the years that he suffered from cancer.

My father was also an extremely intelligent man. He graduated from high school two years earlier and had one of the highest grades in his graduating class. He always excelled in languages and scored remarkably well on his essays. I’ll always remember my dad as the “language man” who knew so many languages such as his native tongue of Ilocano, Tagalog, English, German, Italian, Korean, Mandarin and Spanish. He always told my sister and I that no matter what we should always do our best in school. After all those years of honor rolls, honors classes and struggling to get A’s, I really wish my father could have seen me graduate from college. After all, he was the person who was always telling me to get good grades and do well in school. I really wanted to dance across the stage, shake the hands of my deans and triumphantly shout, “This is for you, Daddy!” I know that he was there somewhere. Not in the bleachers, of course, but looking down from a place where I know he is now resting in peace.

My father died from Lymphoma, a cancer that I now consider an evil enemy that took away my father and the future moments that we are now unable to share. No one to walk me down the aisle (not that I plan to get married), grandchildren unable to see their grandfather (not that I plan to have kids but I mean my sister’s kids) and no one to go on vacations with in the future. My dad talked fondly about his stay in Germany and Italy during his service in the air force. I really wanted to see Europe with my dad because I knew how much he wanted to go back and walk down memory lane.

My dad taught me many lessons about life but perhaps his death is the most profound lesson of all. By dealing with the loss of my father, I am seeing my relationships with my friends and family in a different light. I have learned that life is precious and we really have no way of knowing how long a person will be in our life. The important thing is to let them know you appreciate them and love them while they are still in your life so you will know how much you mean to each other. The really tragic thing is to lose someone you love without letting them know how much you love them. Hiding emotions because you fear rejection and loss results in much more pain when you lose someone. You realize that you never had the opportunity to let someone know how valuable he/she is to you. I really miss my dad and I really wish I could have told him I loved him long before his final moments. It was so hard to hold his hand in the emergency room and tell him, “I love you, I miss you and goodbye” in the same breath. As I saw his life slip away, I felt my memories and emotions pouring out as a wave of tears blurred my vision. He peacefully folded his arms around his stomach bravely awaiting his fate. How I admire my father for his strength during the painful times in his life and how he rarely complained about his suffering.

I know its too late to go back in the past and rewrite history but I wish I could have done more for my father during his last year. How was I to know that this was it? It was unbearable seeing the ventilator tubes up his mouth and nose but the only thing my dad did when he saw us crying was point his fingers to his eyes as if to say, “Don’t cry. I’ll be OK.” Maybe he knew he was already going to heaven at the time, leaving his human cocoon, and preparing to emerge as a butterfly in his new destination. He didn’t want us to worry about him anymore. I know my father would not want to be remembered by tears but rather through memories and laughter. Erase the past three years and you will once again find the healthy, robust and kind man that we will always remember as Pablo Octaviano Florente. May you rest in peace, Daddy. You are never alone and will never be forgotten. I’ll always love you and miss you. Whenever I see a beautiful butterfly floating my way, I will always think of you.

HIDING BUTTERFLY
You haunt me endlessly In the dark chambers of my mind In the echoes that trail behind Where are you, where might you be? Why can’t you just come out to let me see? Crazy, chaotic emotions Linger on endless oceans Come out, come out, you have to hear There’s nothing you have to fear I just wanted to tell you something true It has to do with me and you Why did you leave before I could try? I hope you come out before you fly There’s something I’ve been meaning to let you know I love you and I don’t want you to go Not yet, not so soon For you have just come out of the cocoon Please don’t go yet, there’s so much to say Why did they have to take you away? A beautiful creature, so dear and so sweet Losing you would be such a defeat I guess you can’t hear me, we are too far apart But please return to the place in my heart.